I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
