I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize