Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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