I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
