Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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