he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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