I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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