If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
