You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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