I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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