I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
