my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
