He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
