I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
