Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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