i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
