we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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