so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My breasts were aching with rage.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
