Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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