woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
