It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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