I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
