Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
