I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so let's talk penis.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize