He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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