No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
