Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
