So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
