So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
