I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
