All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
