Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
