Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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