This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize