we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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