The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
