May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Shame - the story of my life.
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