oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
