My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize