the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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