somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
