Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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