I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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