dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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