im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
