I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
