Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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