My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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