NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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