if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
