You smell like stripper and shame
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
