You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
