so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
