I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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