Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
