A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
