You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
