either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
