what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
