so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
