There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
