i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
