Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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