I cannot find my penis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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