Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
