i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
