im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
