are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
