is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
