you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Do you still have your period?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
