I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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