if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
