I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
