if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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