just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize