I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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