Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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