how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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