she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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