From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
