Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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