I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
