My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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