Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
