Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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