3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
