One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
