The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize