i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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