Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I didn't notice because vodka
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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