Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
