If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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