census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
