I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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