So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
