I wanna bring you to show and tell
she was so not down for the gang bang
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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