69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You ruined the universe
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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