Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
