I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
