Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
