It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
