Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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