The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize