I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
