I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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