and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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