I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
