Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
