Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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