Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
