I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
