his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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