Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you would pick up someone in the library
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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