wakey wakey hands off snakey
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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