my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
