4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
