like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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